Mommas, you feel me. On a side note, who else is slightly disturbed by the use of that expression? Being pregnant, I don't really want extra people feeling me...
I know the baby needs to stay put for a while longer. I know it's for her health and benefit, but eight months into the pregnancy, you start to get antsy. Anybody who says otherwise is lying through their teeth. How do I know this? I'm pregnant. I know this.
Ah, to not have a watermelon gut. To not be throwing up all. the. time. To sleep through the night without a backache, hip ache, or rib ache. To be able to eat a turkey sandwich again. To not have to worry about my heart. To not have achy feet and swollen hands. To be done with contractions and hurting muscles. To not need to run for the bathroom every time I stand up. To not have heartburn anymore. To not feel sleepy all the time. To be done worrying about everything. Shall I go on?
On the plus side, I'll never forget the first time I felt my baby move one dreary morning. Or watching her wave to us during the ultrasound. Or looking at the pictures of her sweet face. I've spent so many hours watching my stomach bounce around. I love thinking about her, daydreaming about what kind of person she will be, imagining what she will look like, wondering if all my poking is giving her a complex.
Pregnancy is full of many exciting moments, woes, joys, difficulties, and blessings. It's like one of those awful fair rides that shoot you up in the air, and then drop you so fast you think you will go splat. Actually, I hate those rides, so that's a bad example. However, you get my point.
Terrifying. Exhilarating. Exciting.
It's like anything worth having in life. A career that God has given you. Marriage. Friends. Dreams.
And Just like everything in life, fear comes frolicking inside your comfy abode.
My biggest fear is "What am I going to do to screw this kid up?" That's an awful thing to think, isn't it? This hasn't been an easy journey, and while I would 100% do this again if given the choice, it's been hard. Parenting is hard, and parents make mistakes. There's just so much I could do wrong, and I think that's the driving force behind so many of our fears - "How am I going to mess this up?"
It's not that I haven't had an amazing example of mothering from my mother. It's not that I'm not equipped to take care of a baby. It's not that I'm afraid of my baby... well, not a lot. It's not like God has said, "Here's a kid. Good luck, fool." It's that it's new. It's scary. It's different. It's an opportunity for me to stumble and fall. It's that I look at the people who have hurt me and broken my spirit, and I worry that I'm just like them.
But despite all that...
"For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7
God hasn't given me a spirit of fear. He's given me power over fear! He's given me all His love! He's given me a sound mind - something all parents need! He hasn't called me to any task, past, present, and future, that He hasn't enabled me to do. God hasn't made me in anyone else's image. He made me in His image.
And He's made my baby in His image.
Bottom line, even if I do mess up, God is holding my baby in His capable hands. He won't let her go. He will help her through anything that comes her way. He won't ever stop loving her.
Where I mess up, God cleans up. Thankfully, that will always be the case.
Thanks for letting me share my heart with you guys today! See you on October 20th!! God bless!!
V. Joy Palmer